Returning Home to My Body , A Gentle Reckoning

I don’t know when I started feeling like a stranger in my own body.

Maybe it was after the weight crept on.
7kg over the last several months.
Not overnight, but gradually. Quietly. Without permission.

Or maybe it was long before that, when my reflection became something I started avoiding, or when I began sucking in my stomach for photos I used to pose freely for.

All I know is: somewhere along the way, I stopped feeling at home in myself.

And what hurts the most is not just the gain, but the guilt.
The way I feel like I should’ve done better.
Eaten cleaner. Moved more.
Not let stress and survival shape me.

I’ve been working night shifts that disrupt everything …my sleep, my hunger cues, my mental clarity.
Some nights I eat just to stay awake.
Some mornings I crash into bed without a prayer.

And it shows.
In my face.
In my clothes.
In the little comparisons I silently make, especially next to someone I love who hasn’t changed the way I have.

But I care.
About my body.
About my health.
About honoring this vessel God has trusted me with, even in seasons when I don’t feel my best.

I’m learning to return home to my body.
Not with rage or regret, but with reverence.
To thank it for carrying me.
To forgive it for changing in ways I don’t yet love.
To stop punishing it for adapting to a hard season.
To care for it like it matters. Because it does.

This is not about shrinking.
It’s about strengthening.
Nurturing.
Healing.
Becoming more present ,in my own skin, my own choices, my own rhythms.

And maybe coming home isn’t a single moment.
Maybe it’s a thousand tiny choices.
The way I stretch instead of scroll.
The way I breathe deeply before meals.
The way I open my Bible and let truth speak louder than shame.
Maybe it’s not about getting back to who I was,
but becoming someone softer, wiser ,rooted in grace, not guilt.

So here’s what I’m starting with:

Gentle movement ….stretches, long walks, low-impact workouts that feel like prayer in motion
Listening to my hunger without shame
Cooking meals that nourish, not punish
Creating pockets of rest in my day, even 10 minutes of stillness
Speaking kindly to myself, especially on the days I feel most undone
Praying for peace, not perfection

If you’ve ever felt lost in your own skin ,like your body no longer feels like yours ….this is for us.

Not to “fix” ourselves.
But to find ourselves again.
To move slowly.
To choose kindness over control.
To remember that we are still worthy, still beautiful, still homeable.

Let this be your invitation too.

                                     With love 
                                       ~ Afia 🤎